


Letters

by Esti7310



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, but here i am again, i thought i was over this ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-14 21:57:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9204965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esti7310/pseuds/Esti7310
Summary: When John visits home for the summer, Alex has the brilliant idea of writing letters, even if (as John protests) it's a little outdated. Story told with a mix of letters, calls, texts, and regular scenes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello hello :) So since historical lams communicated with letters, I thought it would be cool to write modern lams doing that, and this happened. These letters are really nothing like the actual ones, though. 
> 
> Also, the structure of this is a little weird. Every chapter is a letter and the scene/texts/calls that go with it, but that means most of the chapters are really really short. Good news is I'm posting a new one every day, since the fic is mostly done! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

6/18/2016

John,

First of all, how dare you? I still don't believe this. After all we've been through, after carrying a drunk Laf home at two in the morning, after using our fantastic combined brain power and pure spite to successfully drag the esteemed professor Lee, after The Great Macaroni Incident of 2016, you still have the audacity to abandon me in New York. Is a visit to your crusty conservative family really better than rooming with me for the summer? I think not. But whatever, it's not like I'm bitter or anything.

Anyway, John, I know that if you've even read this far, you've probably paused to text me a mocking note regarding my use of letters as a form of communication. Said note probably called me a cranky grandpa stabbing at everything with my cane and complaining and grumbling about the good old days, and I suppose this is mostly fair, since I could reach you in less than ten seconds by phone, but come on, Laurens, you know I'm a writer at heart, and it feels so much classier to say "fuck you" in handwriting. We both know I'm all about class, a real aristocrat. And maybe I like the idea of you actually getting and holding paper from me, and, if you're kind enough to write back, me holding actual paper from you.

Summer is going pretty slow. Lots of Ben and Jerry's, quality time with the rest of the squad, long days at the law offices. Interning is going well, but spending time with Burr every day will be the death of me. I'm sort of bored. I have Herc and Laf here, but John, nothing's the same without you. They’re both working a lot, and Laf is visiting France soon, and it feels kind of quiet around here. You really add some life to our little apartment.

Laf and Herc tell me to say hi. Punch a Republican for me while you're stuck in South Carolina.

From your all-time favorite,

A. Ham

 

Alex skimmed over what he'd written. This looked good - not too emotional, not too casual, just the right balance of his classic snark and missing his best friend. He stuffed the notebook paper in an envelope with John's address, licked the seal, and stuck one of Herc’s Star Wars stickers over it for good measure (this one featured Darth Vader in a flower crown). He headed out of his room to dig up some stamps.

Wait. The sky outside his living room windows was pitch dark. Alex glanced at his watch. Midnight already? He could've sworn he'd only been in here for half an hour at most, and he'd started working around seven. Now that he thought about it, though, he might have heard Herc and Laf pop in to tell him they were going to bed - at least, he was pretty sure that's what they said. He hadn't really taken any attention off his writing when they came in.

Alex set the letter on his desk and fell into his bed, glancing over at John's empty one across from him. He really did miss John, more than he wanted to admit. He  pulled out his phone to text John the usual goodnight before he went to bed.

 

Conversation with John L. 6/18/2016

Ah: I just had the best idea

Ah: John

Ah: John it’s the best

Jl: ooh what is it

Ah: i can’t tell you! It’s a surprise :)

Jl: thanks so much for telling me about this awesome thing and then not telling me what it is

Ah: no problem

Ah: you’ll find out in a few days

Ah: watch ur mailbox

Jl: uh oh

Ah: :)

Ah: Goodnight John

Jl: night Alex

Jl: miss u

Ah: you too

 

Alex fell asleep thinking of his friend, the steadying presence he'd gotten so used to having for the past year, now gone for the summer, leaving him with a weird sense of loss.

_At least we can write_ , he thought to himself as he drifted off.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make me a happy writer! If you liked it or have feedback, I would love you forever if you left a comment. I'm @simon-snowman on tumblr if anyone wants to hit me up. Next chapter will be posted tomorrow (probably at night)!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another super short chapter of fluffy nonsense :) Enjoy!

Conversation with John L. 6/22/2016

Jl: Your fantastic idea is letters? Writing letters?

Jl: ur a cranky grandpa stabbing ur walking stick at everything and complaining

Ah: YOU GOT IT

Ah: THE LETTER

Ah: finally

Jl: if u wanted to reach me faster u had some other communication options

Ah: but that was so much more fun

Jl: i mean u obviously know how to text

Ah: john you better write back to me

Jl: we'll see

Ah: john a. Laurens, i did not trouble myself with writing a whole letter just so you could make snarky comments

Jl: does the A stand for asshole

Ah: wow how did you know

Jl: ur really making me want to spend time writing u a letter

Ah: good! I'm waiting on it

Jl:...fine. i'll write it

Ah: YES

  
  


6/22/2016

Alex,

What the hell do you even say in a letter? I'm texting you literally while I write this and telling you about anything interesting. I'm not gonna wait for important news to be delivered via snail mail. Not like anything that great is happening in SC, anyway, though. Just me and my dad and the siblings. My sister's cool, but other than that... bleargh. It's fucking hot out, too, so walking anywhere sucks.

Sorry for abandoning you. I guess you'll have to deal with Herc and Laf's shenanigans and Jefferson and Burr all on your own. I'm sure you'll manage. I'm also 100% sure that you're probably working on something ridiculous to kill time, like editing your total rewrite of NYC's financial plan or something. Something nerdy and boring. Anyway, though, whatever you're doing, I hope you manage to find a balance between doing it and getting sleep. 

I gotta say, your last letter was pretty entertaining. Your abuse of commas almost made me cry. Also, you get a lot more deep over writing than you do in person. Well, in person when you're sober, anyway. It's a little weird seeing sober Alex write about his feelings. You also sound like you're from the eighteenth century when you get like that in writing. 

I miss you too, and I hope you’re doing okay. I wish you were here. Or I guess, more accurately, I wish I was there. 

My dad keeps trying to drag me to work with him to meet people and "network," which to me sounds like "come learn how to follow in my footsteps and contribute to the societal oppression of anyone who is not a rich straight white male." Yeah, no thanks. I've been avoiding it by volunteering to babysit the younger siblings, which is fine by me. We all know I'm totally a level-headed and responsible role model for these kiddos. 

 

I'll be home before you know it. 

 

See you soon,

John

 

John started reading over his letter. He was no poet – that was Alex's specialty – but what he had would work.

“What the hell, Hamilton,” John muttered to himself, skimming his letter and comparing it to Alex’s. Why did Alex have to be so effortlessly flirty, so open? His words somehow had the power to make John feel flustered even when Alex was across the country. It was bad enough being in the closet and having a crush on your best friend and roommate, and Alex only seemed to make things worse for John. 

John heard the front door open while he was in the kitchen fishing for stamps. For once, Henry Laurens had useful timing. 

"Dad, where do you keep stamps?" asked John, leaning around the doorway.

"Drawer in the family room computer desk, why?" he asked, ambling past John and into the kitchen.

"I was thinking of making the world's biggest ball of stamps. I'll be in the backyard if you need me," John deadpanned.

"Huh?" The sarcasm had apparently fallen short.

"I'm sending a letter, dad," called John, rolling his eyes as he rooted through the drawer for stamps.

"Oh? To whom?"

"Just Alex."

"Hm. Is that a girl’s name? Alex?"

"Nope," said John, exasperated. "Just Alex the roommate."

"John, if all you're doing all day is writing to friends, I think you should take a day to come into work with me," said Henry. His tone said, ‘this is a new idea that I just proposed for the first time.' What he meant was, ‘this is an idea that I will keep bringing up and increasingly use to make you feel useless and lazy.’ 

Or maybe that was just John's interpretation, but he thought it was pretty accurate. 

"Dad, I'm fine here. I can just do summer work and watch the kids."

Henry put his hands in his pockets and strolled to the door of his study. 

"Well, I'm going to need to find a way to get you out and about at some point," he said, going into his study and closing the door behind him with a click.

And John was alone again, feeling a whole lot worse until he stuck the final stamp on his letter and put it in the mailbox. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter! More will be posted tomorrow :) Thanks so much to everyone who left kudos and comments, it really makes my day! 
> 
> Also, if you're curious, the world's largest ball of stamps is actually in Nebraska, and I happen to have seen it. It's pretty great, but not as impressive as the world's largest twine ball, which is in Minnesota, and which I have also visited.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 :) This is probably the one based most off of real letters.

6/30/2016

Dearest John,

I have to say, I was a little surprised that you actually wrote back, but I'm glad you did. It's sort of fun, right? Humour me here, just this once. It's nice to have genuine John Laurens paper and writing.

Stuff here is mostly the same. Laf left for France yesterday morning, as you know, so now it's just me and Herc around here. It's sort of fun, but also a little lonely, since his job and my internship have different hours, so we both end up here on our own pretty often. This means I've been spending a lot of time with Burr at the office, which is... straining. He never wants to really do anything. He literally just prints papers and organizes and whatever, never gives his opinion on stuff, which is ridiculous. I mean, we’re not exactly there for our opinions, but how else are we supposed to get noticed? He drives me crazy. I've made up a game called "get on Aaron Burr's nerves to the point where he expresses an emotion." You get a point for every successful round. It's a blast. Right now my best score for a day is 3, but I swear I would've gotten 4 yesterday if Washington hadn't interfered.  

Sorry your dad is a piece of shit, that sucks. Give him hell from me, or, better yet, just ditch him and come back to NYC. We miss you. Our room seems too empty. 

While you're in SC, you might as well make yourself useful and get me a girlfriend or a boyfriend or something. I’m bored and lonely. Just ask around and see if anyone's feeling too single. I'd prefer someone kind, but also willing to fight everyone with me. They should be ready to handle my charming personality and stunning looks, too. And I know that two thirds of the people there are probably crazy conservatives, but come on, I could totally talk them out of that. Tell them about my fantastic intelligence and work ethic, and maybe throw in something about my striking eyes. You know, the important information. 

But you know I'm kidding. Please don't actually set me up with a random South Carolinian. I'd rather have you home than have you searching the South for a blind date. Anyway, I may be tragically single, but I also maybe already have my eyes on someone. Maybe. 

Did I mention that I miss you? I miss hearing your voice and I miss having someone to talk to in the middle of the night when neither of us can sleep. I guess I didn't really realize how much I've grown used to you. Who's here to mock me? It's quite the tragedy.

I can't wait to hear from you again. 

Love,

A. Ham

 

7/5/2016

John,

So, it's been a couple of weeks, and I still seem to be missing a letter from you, or a text about you writing a letter, even though I know you definitely got mine, since you texted me to say that I'm not your dating service, which, I mean, fair enough. To be totally clear, I was kidding. Like I said, I’m not interested in anyone you drag up north with you. Just bring yourself, and I’ll be satisfied. 

I guess there could be a lot of reasons of why you’re not writing back. You’re probably busy with wrangling tiny siblings and doing your best to piss off your dad. I shouldn’t assume that you don’t like hearing from me as much as I like hearing from you. I really, really hope that’s not the case, John. 

Anyway, I haven’t texted you about our 4th of July adventures yet. It was hot and also it rained, so me and Herc didn’t do much, but he wore his American flag crop top, which felt pretty patriotic to me. We also made brats in the microwave, because we didn’t feel like walking to the cookout in the park. They were still good, and we didn’t even have to leave the apartment. Win-win situation, honestly. We had a few people over, these three sisters that Herc met through work. They’re all really cool. Angelica’s the oldest, and she’s super smart and also a little scary, and Peggy’s the youngest. Eliza’s in the middle, and she’s honestly just the best. She’s gorgeous and really nice to everyone and pretty funny, so it was a good day.

Work is the usual, and I’m texting you about it right now. You should text me back. And also write me back. Did I mention you haven’t responded to my last letter? 

I sound like some kind of jealous lover here, and I guess if double texting is bad, double letter-writing is probably worse. Oh well. 

Hope SC is a blast,

A. Ham

 

7/7/2016

Dearest John, 

I’m bored, so I’m writing to you again. There’s not much to do today, and you also still haven’t written to me, or texted about writing to me. Which is totally fine, I’m not confused and bothered by that or anything. And I miss you. I really, really miss you. 

We didn’t do much today, just hung out with the Schuylers for a while. I know you’ve never met them, but they’re the ones I wrote about in my last letter. Eliza was really sweet and got us all lunch, and Angelica was a little intimidating as usual. Peggy’s cool and a little sarcastic.

Okay, full honesty for a second. I know this is my third letter in a row, but I really do miss you, and I hadn’t realized that I would. You really are my closest friend, and I trust you more than any of the others, more than I have ever trusted anyone. Of course, my rather abrasive personality leaves me with frequent doubts regarding friends' attitudes towards me, and I am, contrary to what many believe, very aware of the fact that putting up with me is not always the easiest thing to do. So, John, I guess I should thank you, not just for putting up with me, but for being one of the few people I can be around without wondering if I'm making your life harder. Everything is easier when I'm with you.

Okay, Herc is telling my I need to come help make dinner. I’ll keep texting you.

Write soon,

A. Ham

 

“Are you done writing yet?” Herc called from the kitchen. 

“Yeah,” said Alex, sealing the envelope and sticking on a few stamps. 

“Is this all to John?” he asked, putting a pot of water on the stove to boil. 

“Yeah,” said Alex. “We’ve been writing letters all summer.”

“John writes back?” asked Herc skeptically. 

“Okay, not really,” Alex huffed. “Sometimes. He sent me a letter earlier in the summer, and I know he’s reading mine, but he just texts back.”

“Texting is faster and cheaper,” Herc pointed out, pushing a bag of broccoli to Alex. “Here, break these up into little pieces.”

“Vegetables? What, are we healthy now?” asked Alex. 

“As long as I’m in charge,” said Herc. “But anyway. All these letters to John.”

“What about them?” 

“All this worrying about when he’ll write back, what he thinks, all the texting and facetiming…”

“Yeah?” asked Alex. 

“Me and Laf were wondering if you… you know. If there’s something going on there?”

Alex broke off another piece of broccoli and rolled it in his fingers, avoiding looking up. He felt heat rising to his cheeks. “Nah, John’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, your  _ really really close  _ best friend.”

“He’s straight and he wouldn’t like me like that,” said Alex.

“Do  _ you _ like him like that?” asked Herc finally, giving up with beating around the bush. 

“No,” said Alex quickly and firmly. “Nope. We’re just friends.”

“Whatever you say,” said Herc. “Stop playing with that broccoli, you’re gonna crush it.”

Alex sat on one of the counters, letting Herc take over the cooking and staring at the floor. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about John like that. He wondered pretty often about his feelings for John – intense caring for his platonic friend, or maybe something else? But he kept it locked in a box at the back of his mind, avoided thinking about it. John was straight, and falling for straight friends never ended well. 

Not that he was surprised that Herc had asked. Alex knew that their relationship could probably be read as romantic. His mind flashed back to the letter he’d just finished, which was maybe a little over-the-top with the feelings – of course he realized it now that the words were already sealed and on the way to John. He wasn’t exactly restrained, even though he knew it couldn’t amount to anything.

“Earth to Alex,” said Herc, snapping his fingers. “Food’s ready.” 

Alex sighed and hopped down from the counter, pushing down his not-so-friendly thoughts about John. It was just a minor maybe-crush, no big deal. He could handle that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to people commenting (and leaving kudos), I just kinda did this as a throwaway story in my spare time so it's good to know that people like it :) 
> 
> New chapter going up tomorrow night!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well so much for posting every day. Life kinda got in the way and I hit a point where I had to do a lot of editing, but I wrote almost the whole rest of the fic today, so next chapter will be up tomorrow. For real this time! Enjoy :)

7/14/16

Alex,

Sorry about not writing, but come on – letters? We’re really doing this? 

Anyway, SC is going okay. It’s still sort of rough being around my dad, but he works such long hours that I barely ever see him. It’s not that we even fight or argue or anything, it’s just… we both know that we flat-out disagree on basically everything. I’m still doing a lot of babysitting, but I let my dad drag me along to some fancy important social events. Those are okay as long as I can wander around on my own. 

I took my little siblings to the beach the other day. We saw turtles. It was great. I mean, you already knew that, I texted you and Snapchatted and everything, but I don’t really have anything else to say. Also, it was just really cool. I like the beach. 

Sounds like the Schuylers are pretty cool. Especially Eliza. She sounds basically perfect. As long as you don’t ditch the rest of us when you skip off into the sunset with her. I’m kidding. Really, she sounds great. I’m glad you have her around. 

I miss you a lot. I hope NYC is fun, and I really can’t wait to come back. 

Alex, about what you said. You know I love spending time with you and think you're amazing. Sorry if it ever feels different. We all love you, though. I need you as much as you need me. And I know what you mean about feeling okay and safe around me, because that's how I feel around you. 

I know this is pretty short, but it’s all I got. Sorry. But we’re texting at this very minute, so you can’t really complain that we don’t talk enough. 

See you soon,

John

 

Some of this letter looked like a train wreck. Alex was so damn good with words and turns of phrase, and John felt like words awkwardly tripped over themselves on the way from his brain to the pen to the page. But he felt like what Alex had said needed some kind of response, something with feeling. He sighed, figuring he gave it his best.

He wanted to ask about Eliza, too. From all of the texts and letters, it sounded like the two of them were spending more and more time together. And that was good for Alex. But still, it stung. How could Alex tell John how much he cared about him and, sentences later, talk about the new girl he was seeing? How could he miss John’s feelings? The fact that it felt so possible sometimes made it so much harder every time John realized that it would never happen.

_ It’s my own fault for getting my hopes up,  _ John thought bitterly. 

He decided there was nothing he could really do with the letter at this point, so he sealed it in an envelope and added stamps before he could change his mind. He texted Alex as soon as he finished it. 

 

Conversation with Alex H

Jl: guess who just finished writing a letter?!?

Ah: you???

Ah: about time dude

Ah: but it’s supposed to be a surprise!!!

Jl: I just wanted to inform you of my accomplishment

Ah: Good job

Jl: Thanks

Ah: oh I was gonna ask, do you want me to get you from the airport?

Jl: that would make you the best person ever

Jl: I’ll get in at like 4 on August 5

Ah: I know

Ah: it’s on my calendar

Jl: of course it is

Jl: how’s Eliza?

Ah: she’s good! Just saw her earlier today

Jl: nice

Ah: yeah she’s a lot of fun

Jl: that’s good

Ah: yeah

Ah: No replacement for u though

 

John groaned and clicked his phone off, wishing he could get through a single conversation with Alex without any painfully fake flirting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was good (even though it was so short, there wasn't really a better way to split it up though). Thank you so so so much to everyone leaving comments, even the smallest one is super motivating. 
> 
> More coming tomorrow!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hello :) Chapter 5! These chapter divisions feel kinda weird, I didn't really think ahead about publishing while I was writing. Hope you like it anyway!

7/22/16

John, 

You finally wrote me a letter! See, that wasn’t so hard. Keep up the good work. It also brought something up that I hadn’t noticed before, and I want to make sure neither of us are confused.

Based on your last letter and texts and everything, I realized you might have the wrong idea about me and Eliza. She’s great, and she’s a lot of fun, but really, it’s all platonic. Like I said, I’m maybe already interested in someone else. She doesn’t have feelings for me, and I don’t have feelings for her. In spite of her general perfection, I’m still looking for… something else, I guess. 

I haven’t told you how much I miss you in a while. I miss you. I know I’ll see you again soon, and I’m really, really excited. You’re the closest friend I’ve got, and even though we can text and write and everything, it’s just not the same. Even Skyping doesn’t quite do it. I want to be able to actually be close to you. I wish I could tell you in actions rather than in words. 

I’m writing this at three in the morning. Herc and I also went to a party earlier, and I’m a little tipsy. Please forgive me if I’m not making any sense or if I seem really sappy. Know that I mean it all, even if I probably wouldn’t say it all if I was running on a little more sleep. Or sober.

August 5th. I’m excited. You’d better write before then. 

Love,

A. Ham

 

That was it – John would have to say something. He couldn’t go on writing to Alex and pretending he hadn’t just gotten a more-than-friendly letter, pretending he didn’t notice. He didn’t have to reveal his feelings or anything, just carefully ask about what Alex meant by everything. This was starting to get to him.

He had just settled down with his pen and paper when his phone screen lit up with a facetime call. He picked it up, part of him expecting (hoping) that it would be Alex, but it was Lafayette’s contact that showed up. John smoothed back his hair and answered the call. 

“Hey, Laf,” he said, grinning. “How’s France?”

“Perfect,” said Laf, beaming. “Lots of family, Adrienne is here, lots of food. How is South Carolina?”

John sighed. “Kinda shitty, but it’s working out okay. I’m going home in a few days anyway.”

“Yes, Alex was telling me,” said Laf. “I just spoke with him and Hercules.”

“Yeah, Alex is picking me up at the airport.”

“Ah,” said Laf. “Now, I have to ask–”

“Laf,” said John warningly. 

“Just asking! Just checking in! How are things with Alex?”

John sighed. Laf had figured out his crush forever ago, and it had been pointless to deny it. Laf was too perceptive. 

“Things are fine,” said John. “The same, but fine.”

“He still thinks you’re straight?”

John shrugged. “I haven’t told him otherwise.”

“And Hercules?”

“No, not him either. I feel like if I tell one of them, I have to tell the other. It would be too weird having one person not know.”

“So tell both of them,” said Laf. 

“But then Alex is gonna start noticing things.”

“If he hasn’t noticed things by now, he won’t start just because you come out,” said Laf. It was the same argument he always used. “And even if he noticed, either he would return the feelings, or he would be too flattered to think anything else.”

“Right,” said John. 

“You would be happier if they knew.”

“I know,” muttered John. “It’s not that easy, though.”

“Put it in a letter or something,” suggested Laf. “Writing it may be easier.”

“A letter?” scoffed John. “Yeah, right. As if.”

“Just an idea,” said Laf. 

He listened to his friend give him a (lengthy) summary of everything he had been doing in France until Laf had to go. After they hung up, John pulled the paper towards him again. 

He wrote a few sentences, then tore a new sheet out of his notebook and started a different letter. He just didn’t have much to say. 

At almost two in the morning, after he’d given up on writing a letter, his phone lit up again with a text from Laf. 

 

Conversation with Laffy Taffy

L: I was serious about writing to Alex in a letter. He wouldn’t think it was weird. 

 

John read the text several times, torn between exasperation and being impressed at Laf’s convenient timing. “Fuck it,” he muttered to himself, grabbing a new sheet of paper. He started scribbling the first thing on his mind. 

 

7/31/2016

Alex,

Here I am, writing again. I can’t believe you talked me into this. 

So your last letter. I gotta ask – who’s this other love interest? I can’t believe I don’t know. We’re best friends, shouldn’t I know these things? Anyway. I’m glad you care about me as much as you do. We both know I suck as feelings, but everything you wrote, about being closest friends and needing to be close to me – I agree. I miss New York, and I miss everyone, but you’re different. Everyone else, I’m okay just texting and Skyping, but like you said, I want to be closer to you. 

Sorry if this is incoherent. I’m taking a leaf out of your book and writing at two in the morning. 

So there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you. I don’t know why I’m putting it in a letter, of all things, but it feels better than texting you, and I want to say it now. I know that you’ll be totally cool with this, and I honestly sort of need someone supportive right now, since I’ve been with my family in South Carolina for so long. Okay, I’m beating around the bush. It’s just hard to say. Or write. 

I don’t like girls. At all. I’m gay. I think I’ve known for a while, and I always wanted to tell you, but it didn’t feel like a good time to bring it up until now, for some reason.

Thank you for always being here. I can’t wait to see you again. 

Love, 

John

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to everyone who reads/comments/leaves kudos! See y'all tomorrow :)


	6. Chapter 6

Alex had barely finished reading John’s letter before he was pulling out his phone and dialing his number. John picked up. 

“Hey, Alex!” he said cheerfully. “What’s up?”

“I just read your letter,” said Alex. 

John paused on the other end of the line. “Oh. Okay.”

“I’m so glad you were able to tell me,” said Alex, grinning. “It’s great, John.”

“Thanks, Alex,” said John’s voice, quiet and relieved. “I knew you would be great about it, but it was still… I don’t know.”

“Still nerve-racking?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Well, John, I love you no matter what,” said Alex. “Now we can bond over how much we hate heteronormative culture.”

“Awesome.”

“Okay, John, I need to go to work,” said Alex, checking the time. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay. I miss you.”

Alex felt his stomach drop at John’s words, at how sincere he sounded. “I miss you too.”

“Bye, Alex.”

“Bye.”

Alex hung up, grabbed his bag, and dashed out. His mind was buzzing with what this meant. Even though it was still unlikely, now it was at least  _ possible _ that John could feel something for him. 

  


Herc was reading on the couch when Alex got home from his internship, but he tossed his book aside as soon as Alex was in the door, standing up and moving to the kitchen. 

“Hey, Herc,” said Alex, heading to the cupboard and looking around for a snack. 

“Hey,” he answered breezily. Alex glanced up at his weird tone. Herc looked like he was forcing down a grin. 

“What’s up?” asked Alex. 

“Guess who just called?”

“Um. Peggy?” Herc shook his head. “Laf?” 

“Nope.”

“Uhh, I don’t know. Obama?”

“I wish. No, I just got off the phone with John.”

“Oh,” said Alex, his mind racing again. “Um. How is he?”

“Sounded about the same,” said Herc. “Anyway, he happened to mention that he’s gay, and that he told you this earlier.”

“Oh! Yeah, he did,” said Alex, standing up with his bag of tortilla chips and leaning against the counter. “I’m glad he told you.”

“I know, me too,” said Herc, stealing a chip. “He sounded happy to say it.”

“Seemed like that to me, too,” said Alex.

“So,” said Herc, the smirk he’d clearly been resisting finally taking over his expression. “You know what this means, right?”

“What?” said Alex, knowing exactly where this was going and trying to sound casual. 

“It means,” said Herc, “that you two can totally get together now.”

“Yeah, right,” said Alex, rolling his eyes. 

“I think you like him,” said Herc, shrugging.

“What? Why would… what makes you say that?” asked Alex quickly. 

“Oh, I dunno, let’s think,” said Herc sarcastically. “You’ve been writing letters to him all summer, you facetime him at least once a day, you bring him up in conversations that are totally unrelated to him, and whenever I ask, you get all flustered and awkward.”

Alex opened his mouth, but for once, he didn’t have any words. Herc was technically right about all of those.

“So, I’m not gonna pry or anything,” Herc said, “but in case you’re wondering, I think John likes you, too. He wouldn’t shut up about you on that phone call.” 

“Oh, sure,” muttered Alex sarcastically, trying to calm down his heartbeat. “As if.”

Herc just rolled his eyes and changed the subject. “Did the Schuylers tell you they’re coming over tonight?”

“No,” said Alex, glancing up. “Are we cooking?”

“I’m ordering pizza,” said Herc. Alex breathed a sigh of relief. 

“What time are they going to be here?” asked Alex. 

“In, like, half an hour,” said Herc, glancing at the clock. 

“Cool,” said Alex, turning towards his room. “Let me know when they’re on the way.”

“What’re you doing?” asked Herc. 

“Just facetiming John,” said Alex. 

“Have fun with that,” Herc called after him. Alex rolled his eyes and hit the call button on John’s contact. He answered in about two seconds. 

“Hey,” said Alex as the phone connected. 

“Hi,” said John, smiling at him. “One sec, I’m going up to my room.”

Alex saw glimpses of the rooms over John’s shoulder as he ran upstairs and down a hall. He had his dark curls loose around his face, his brown eyes flicking between the screen and the hall. 

“So you called Herc?” said Alex after he heard John’s door click. 

“Yeah,” he said, smiling. 

“Nice,” said Alex. “And Laf?”

“Oh, he’s known for a while,” said John. 

Alex’s eyes widened in surprise. “What, really? You told him?”

“No, he sort of guessed,” said John. 

“How?”

“He, uh… noticed I liked this guy. It was a while ago.”

“Oh,” said Alex, raising his eyebrows. “This guy, huh?”

John groaned. “We’re not discussing my love life.”

“Fine, be like that,” Alex sighed dramatically. “You ready to come home?”

“Definitely,” said John, his face lighting up. “Day after tomorrow.”

“I know,” said Alex. “I’m excited.”

“Alex!” Herc interrupted, cracking open the door. “Can you help me clean up the kitchen a little?”

“It’s just the Schuylers,” said Alex, “it’s not like it has to be spotless.”

“Right, but we might literally scare them away.”

Herc left and Alex rolled his eyes at John, taking his phone with him to the kitchen so they could keep the conversation up while Alex cleaned up. 

The two of them were still talking when there was a knock on Alex’s door. 

“I got it,” said Herc, hurrying over.

“I guess I gotta go,” said Alex to John. He glanced over and waved to the girls as they came in.

“Okay,” said John, “talk to you soon.”

“Yeah, for sure,” said Alex. “And I’ll see you in two days.”

“I know,” said John, grinning. “Miss you.”

“You too,” said Alex. “Bye.”

He hung up and looked up at the Schuylers. 

“Was that the guy you never shut up about?” asked Peggy, sitting on the kitchen counter. 

“No,” said Alex defensively, “I’ve barely ever mentioned him.”

Angelica and Eliza shared raised eyebrows. 

“Yes, that was John,” said Herc, smirking. “And he’s coming back in two days, so you’ll see the lovebirds in person.”

“We’re not together!” protested Alex. 

“Can we meet him, though?” asked Eliza, turning her dark eyes to Alex. “I gotta find out who the mystery crush is.”

“Depends,” said Alex, “can you meet him without referring to him as my mystery crush?”

“You want us to not say anything about you liking him?” asked Angelica. 

“I don’t like him, so yes, that would be good,” said Alex. 

“We can all decide for ourselves when we meet him,” said Peggy.

“But we won’t tell him anything,” said Eliza quickly. 

“Thanks,” said Alex sarcastically, “can we just order the pizza?” The promise of food quickly diverted the conversation, to his relief. 

After two hours of pizza and Angelica kicking everyone’s ass in Mario Kart, Herc brought John up again. 

“So I was thinking we could do a little party thing here when John comes back,” he suggested. “He can meet you guys and we can invite some friends over.”

“I’m always up for a party,” said Angelica, shrugging. 

“And meeting the infamous John Laurens.”

So by the time the Schuylers left, the five of them had made plans for John’s welcome-home party. Alex was feeling almost nervous about it, though – John might be oblivious to his feelings, but the Schuylers would pick up on it in seconds, and now Herc was watching for it too. 

This could be a bit of a challenge. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up tomorrow! It might be the last one, I still haven't decided exactly how to split it up yet. Anyway, thanks for reading as always!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, it's me, the queen of irregular updates and wildly inconsistent chapter lengths. Enjoy the last chapter!

John had barely gotten out the doors of the airport when he heard Alex. 

“John! John, over here!”

He spun and saw his friend beaming at him, waving out his car window. John grinned and waved back at him, hurrying over to the car with his bags. Alex got out and pulled John into a hug. 

“Whoa, let me put my bags down first,” said John, smiling into Alex’s shoulder. 

“Shut up, I missed you,” said Alex.

“You too,” said John, taking in everything about Alex. He closed his eyes and took a  deep breath, feeling the fabric of his T-shirt. It felt like home. 

He stood wrapped in Alex until he really couldn’t hold all his bags anymore, finally  pulling away. 

“Help me get these in the trunk,” said John. Alex stepped away and helped him load the car, and then they were on their way home.

“So,” said Alex, “how was South Carolina?”

“Could’ve been worse,” said John with a shrug. “It’s good to be back, though.”

“It’s good to have you back,” said Alex. He still hadn’t stopped grinning. John felt his stomach twist whenever Alex slid him a smile. 

“So is there a plan for tonight?” asked John, tearing his eyes away from Alex and looking out his window. 

“We’re throwing you a surprise party.”

“I think you need to work on the ‘surprise’ part.”

“Well, not a surprise party,” said Alex. “More like a party that we just sort of forgot to tell you about. And it's not really a party, just some friends coming over.”

“Ah,” said John, “Who’s gonna be there?”

“Just Herc and the Schuylers,” said Alex. 

“Sounds good,” said John. “When is this happening?”

“People are coming over at seven,” said Alex, “so we have a couple hours to kill. You want to take a walk?”

“Sure,” said John. Any excuse to spend time alone with Alex, really.

Alex pulled into their parking spot outside the apartment and helped John get the bags upstairs. John followed him onto the familiar elevator, down the hall to their apartment. 

“Home, sweet home,” said Alex, swinging the door open. “Herc’s still at work. John, you have no idea how bored I was this summer.”

“Wait, you were bored? I hadn’t heard,” said John in mock surprise, dropping his bags on his bed. 

“Oh, shut up,” said Alex. “See, I was so bored that I had nothing to do besides complain to you about how bored I was.”

“Let’s go do something, then,” said John, backing towards the door. 

“Yeah,” said Alex, following him out. 

The two of them walked aimlessly down the block, John smiling just at being back in the city. They ended up in Central Park.

“So,” said Alex, smirking at John and raising his eyebrows. John felt like he knew what conversation was about to start. 

“So?” he prompted. 

“Big news in the last letter, huh?”

“Oh,” said John, smiling, entirely unsurprised. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t know why I wrote that instead of just telling you, that was weird…”

“No, it was great, John,” said Alex quickly. “There’s no wrong way to do it.”

“It’s probably better than finding out by coming into your room in the middle of the night and seeing your roommate in bed with a dude.”

“Okay, that was  _ one time, _ ” Alex protested. “Once. And we weren’t even doing anything, we were just-”

“Okay, okay!” said John quickly, cutting him off. He really didn’t need to be reminded of the details. It hadn’t been a fun day. “Anyway, yeah.”

“So who’s the guy?” asked Alex. John slid a look at him. His voice sounded dead serious, almost apprehensive. 

“There is no guy,” said John, trying to sound casual. “Which reminds me, actually – who’s the mystery crush you kept mentioning?”

“Huh?”

“You know, when you wrote that you weren’t interested in Eliza like that, and you said you maybe had your eyes on someone else?”

“How do you remember my exact words?” said Alex, raising his eyebrows. John looked away, feigning interest in the pond so Alex wouldn’t see his blush. 

“Uh, I don’t know,” said John, “I- I guess it just, uh… but who is it?”

“I was just joking,” said Alex, but he still looked serious. He wouldn’t meet John’s eyes. John was almost relieved. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to hear about Alex’s crush on someone else. 

“But I should probably warn you,” said Alex, “Herc thinks I – and I know this is, like, crazy – he thinks that you and I are, like-”

“He thinks we’re… together?” asked John, forcing a laugh. “That’s… that’s so weird. Why would he think…”

“Yeah, he thinks I like you or you like me or something,” said Alex in a rush. “I know it’s dumb, but-”

“He – he thinks I like you?” said John, risking a look at Alex. His friend met his eyes for a split second before quickly looking away. 

“Yeah, I know, I mean, you could never…”

“I mean, not that you’re not… not cool or whatever,” said John, immediately wanting to throw himself into the pond and stay there for a million years. “You’re very… very likeable, but we’re… friends.”

“Best friends,” said Alex. 

“Right.” 

They stood there for a minute, very deliberately not looking at each other. John’s heart was sinking in his chest. Alex obviously thought the idea of the two of them together was impossible, but at the same time, Herc had noticed, which had to mean  _ something.  _ Herc must  have seen things in their relationship that looked like more than friendship. And if there had ever been a chance, John realized, he had just done his best to convince Alex that there  _ wasn’t _ . 

So that had gone well. 

“We should probably start going back,” said Alex finally. “For the party.”

“Right,” said John. 

They turned around and walked in silence, John lost in his thoughts. He desperately wanted to bring up the topic of the two of them again, but there didn’t seem to be anything left to say. 

“So you’ll finally get to meet the Schuylers,” said Alex after a long silence. 

“Oh, right!” said John. “They sound cool.”

“Yeah, they’re fun,” said Alex. “They’ve been wanting to meet you.”

“How do they know about me?” asked John. 

“Oh, you just… came up a couple of times,” said Alex. “They came in the other day while I was talking to you on the phone.”

“Oh,” said John, nodding. 

“And they kind of sided with Herc on the… thing.”

“The thing about… you and me?”

“Yeah, that thing,” said Alex. 

“They don’t even know me,” said John. 

“Yeah, but they know we talk a lot,” said Alex. “Because we’re friends, right?” John raised his eyebrows – that had sounded like a genuine question. 

“Yeah, I mean, that’s what I always thought,” said John. 

John could feel Alex’s eyes on him, and he desperately wanted to follow that up somehow, figure out what was going on between the two of them.

Before he could ask him, though, he spotted a familiar face waving at them from across the street. 

“Herc!” said John, waving back. Herc jogged across to meet them, pulling John into a quick hug. 

“Hey, man,” said Herc, “we missed you.”

“I missed you guys, too,” said John. 

“You two been catching up?” asked Herc, glancing between him and Alex. John met Alex’s eyes and quickly looked away again, feeling himself blush. 

“Uh, yeah,” said Alex. “Yeah, we walked around.”

“Cool,” said Herc, giving them a puzzled look. “Well, we’ve got a party to set up. I just went to get some stuff for it,” he said, holding up a plastic bag.

Alex disappeared to take a shower when the three of them got back to the apartment, so John helped Herc clean out the living room. 

“What’s up with you two?” Herc asked quietly once he heard the water running in the bathroom. 

“What do you mean?” asked John.

“The weird looks and the blushing and everything.”

“I wasn’t blushing!” John protested. 

“You so were,” said Herc. 

“Alex just told me about you and the Schuylers thinking there’s something going on between the two of us,” said John. 

Herc spun to face him, his eyes wide. “He told you he likes you?!”

“No!” said John quickly, “He told me you  _ think  _ he likes me. And that you think I like him.”

“But you do like him.”

“I don’t,” said John. 

“John,” said Herc, setting down the stack of books he was carrying and turning to face him. “Listen, I  _ know  _ you like him. You’re really, really obvious. It’s literally useless for you to deny it to me at this point.”

John hesitated, then sighed. “Okay, whatever, fine. I could be sort of into him. But like, in a chill way, though, I don’t have a huge crush on him or anything like that.” 

Herc rolled his eyes. “But you told him you’re not interested?”

“I mean, not exactly,” said John. “He just said people were suspicious about us, and I played it off so nothing would seem weird.”

“You didn’t mention that you think of him as more than a friend?”

“No, of course not,” said John. “He doesn’t like me like that.”

Herc sighed, dropping his head into his hands. 

“Damn, do I have to do all the work around here?” he muttered. 

“Sorry!” said Alex’s voice from the hall. John realized the sound of water had stopped running. “I’ll come help in a sec.”

“Nah man, you’re good,” called Herc, “I wasn’t talking about cleaning.”

Alex joined them in a minute, wearing a green T-shirt and jeans, his damp hair tied back. John avoided his eyes, worried that he wouldn’t be able to talk to him normally yet. They moved around each other wordlessly. 

“Oh, crap,” said Herc after a few minutes. “I left the bag of plastic plates and stuff in the car.”

“Do you want me to go get it?” John offered. 

“No, I got it,” said Herc, already moving out the door. “You two can stay up here.” And then he was gone, and Alex and John were left alone in the room. 

John glanced over at Alex, watching his friend hurry around cleaning. He would move half the stuff off of one chair and then get distracted by a different spot, or pick up a book to move it and end up reading a few pages. A ding from John’s phone finally snapped him out of it. He looked down at the text notification – it was from Herc. 

_ In case u missed it, this is ur cue to talk to him.  _

John clicked the phone off and put it back in his pocket, looking back up at Alex. He hesitated. He couldn’t just  _ tell  _ Alex how he felt. It would be too awkward. They would be stuck here alone and John would be rejected and his night would be ruined.

“Are you staring at me?” asked Alex suddenly. John raised his eyebrows. 

“Um… that wasn’t, I mean,” he said, trying to form words. His brain was moving too fast for his mouth. He realized too late that he should’ve played it off, that not answering was as good as just saying yes.

“What did you mean earlier?” said Alex, leaning against the opposite counter and facing John. “When you said you’d always thought we were just friends?”

“Oh,” said John, his stomach flipping. “Uh, I just meant that…”

“John,” said Alex quietly, stepping closer slowly. “It sounded like you were saying that… that you weren’t sure. And I don’t know, I just thought I should… clarify.”

John swallowed, forcing himself to talk. 

“Well, I guess, honestly, I… kind of realized I have feelings for you,” said John quickly, his voice falling. “I mean, I guess I knew for a while. But I don’t want that to make things weird, that’s why I didn’t say anything earlier. It’s fine, it’s not like I can’t be your friend.”

Alex was giving him an unreadable look. John held his breath as Alex took another step forward, close enough to reach out and touch him now. 

“Oh,” said Alex. “I didn’t think… I never thought you would feel that way.”

John bit his lip and forced himself to smile. “Yeah, well. I hope that doesn’t mess anything up.”

Alex took another step. John tried to lean further back, but he was already against the counter. 

And suddenly, Alex was putting a hand on John’s cheek, and there was another hand on his shoulder.  _ There’s no way, _ John told himself.  _ Nothing’s happening. He’s just being weird as usual.  _

But suddenly, before he could say anything, Alex was pressing his lips to his. John froze, completely forgetting to move. Alex pulled away after a second, swallowing. 

“Is this okay?” he whispered. 

“Is it… what you want?” asked John, glancing between Alex’s eyes and his lips. 

“Yeah,” breathed Alex. “Yeah.”

John carefully took Alex’s waist and pulled him close again. Even though the counter was sort of uncomfortably digging into John’s back, and there was a little awkward nose bumping at first, it was perfect. It was  _ Alex _ , and he was finally, finally here, and  _ he kissed me he kissed me he made the move first.  _

They broke apart after a minute, Alex sighing softly. John kept his eyes closed for another few seconds, not wanting the moment to end. 

“What’s behind you?” Alex asked suddenly. John frowned at him. “What?”

“That bag on the counter behind you.”

John turned and looked inside the plastic bag. 

“Just plastic plates and cups and stuff.”

He turned back to Alex, realization hitting him. 

“Herc didn’t even drive to the store,” said John, laughing. “We saw him walking with this!”

“What a sneak,” Alex muttered, shaking his head. 

“He texted me as soon as he left telling me to talk to you,” said John. 

“You’re kidding.”

John showed him the text. 

“Well, he sure knows how to get people together,” said Alex. 

“It would’ve happened sooner or later.”

“I’m glad it was sooner,” Alex said, brushing John’s hand with his. “We should probably tell him it’s safe to come upstairs, though.”

John opened the text again and messaged him. 

 

Conversation with Herc M. 

Jl: you can come back. You’ll be shocked to learn that we found the stuff you were looking for.

Hm: wow, can’t believe it

Hm: so did u take advantage of your ten minutes alone

Jl: come up and find out

 

Herc had barely gotten back inside before there was another knock at the door. Alex turned to answer it, and Herc raised his eyebrows at John. John smiled and nodded. Herc grinned and gave him a thumbs up. 

“Hey, guys, the Schuylers are here!” Alex announced. Three girls followed behind him.

“You must be John,” said the tallest one, studying him. She had dark skin and dark, curly hair, and a voice that said she mean business. 

“Yeah, that’s me,” said John. “And you’re…”

“Angelica,” she said. 

“I’m Eliza,” said her sister, smiling at him. “Nice to meet you.”

“So you must be-”

“Peggy,” said the last sister. “We’ve heard  _ all  _ about you.”

“So I heard,” asked John, smirking at Alex. Alex laughed, glancing down at the floor. 

“We’ve all been looking forward to meeting you,” said Eliza. “Alex made you sound awesome.”

“Well, I hope I can live up to expectations,” said John, still smiling at Alex. He finally looked up and met John’s eyes. 

“Oh, he will,” Alex said. John saw some raised eyebrows go around between the three sisters and wondered what he and Alex would do now. Could they act like a couple?  _ Were  _ they a couple? They hadn’t really had that discussion, but they’d kissed, and Alex said that was what he wanted. But maybe not in front of everyone, maybe Alex wouldn’t be comfortable with that-

John’s train of thought came to a sudden halt when Alex grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together and leading him after the others into the living room. He pulled John down on the couch next to him. 

“So, John,” said Angelica. John looked away from his and Alex’s hands and smiled at her. “How was South Carolina?”

“Oh, uh, it was okay,” said John. “I was mostly with my siblings. And my dad some, but he’s pretty busy.”

The group fell into conversation, and John was talking too, but he always had at least half his attention one Alex. He hadn’t let go of his hand, and unless John was imagining things, he had been leaning closer and closer to John the whole time. Herc kept giving them looks, looking like he wanted to ask what was going on. It went on for hours, and John didn’t think he’d ever been happier than he was. 

“So not to be intrusive,” said Angelica after all the food had been eaten and the mood had calmed down slightly, “but Alex made a point of convincing us that you two aren’t together, and you  _ look  _ very together.”

“Angie!” muttered Eliza, slapping her sister lightly on the arm. 

“She had a point,” said Peggy. 

“And I’ve been dying to hear this since they came over,” said Herc, waving at the sisters. 

John glanced at Alex, and the two of them burst out laughing. 

“Well, I wasn’t lying,” said Alex. “We weren’t together. But, I guess we’re sort of…” he looked at John, raising his eyebrows. 

“Together?” John asked. Alex nodded.

“So I guess we’re together.”

“Did you two just decide that now?” asked Peggy in disbelief. 

“Um… yeah,” said John, grinning at Alex. 

“That’s adorable,” said Eliza. “I knew Alex was lying the other day, I knew it.”

“So now I’m a third wheel?” said Herc. 

“Don’t worry, we still love you,” said Alex.

After another half hour of talking went on before Angelica stood up and stretched. 

“Well, I have work tomorrow morning,” she said, “I guess I should go.”

“Thanks for having us over,” said Eliza, pulling John into a hug. “It was good to meet you.”

“You too,” said John, waving goodbye to the three of them. 

As soon as the door clicked shut, Herc turned to the two of them.

“So you guys are really together?”

“Yeah, about that,” said Alex, “we didn’t actually get to have that discussion yet. I guess I shouldn’t assume anything?”

“Right,” said John to Alex. “I shouldn’t assume, we should… talk.”

“I’ll leave you to it,” said Herc, smiling at them and turning into his room. 

“So, um,” said Alex, walking into the room he and John shared and sitting on his bed. “Are we? You know, together?”

John closed the door behind him and sat next to Alex.

“I want to be,” said John. “I mean, if you want to be.”

Alex grinned, which made John smile, too. Alex was just so adorable, with his hair pulled into a ponytail, smiling just a little. John cupped his cheek in his hand and leaned in to kiss him. Alex kissed him back immediately, their lips sliding together perfectly. John felt Alex’s hands on his back, pulling him down until he was lying next to Alex.

They stayed there for a while, just breathing and kissing and laughing at nothing. 

“I should go to bed,” John whispered finally, half asleep. 

“You can just stay,” muttered Alex, pulling him closer. 

John didn’t have to be asked twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much to everyone who read this! This was really just a thing I did to get over writer's block and I wasn't really expecting any love or feedback for this fic, so I'm really happy that some people liked it! My tumblr is @simon-snowman if you want to come chat with me about hamilton or writing or something :)


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